A new study released today indicates that insurance company and bad commercial maker, Geico, lied when they said getting their insurance was so easy a caveman can do it. Anthropologist Margaret Mood said today that the intricacies to obtaining an insurance policy were way beyond the capabilities of even an above average caveman.
“They’re just too stupid,” said Mood, pointing to a group of cavemen trying to put a square peg into an electrical outlet. “They don’t have the writing skills to sign their name and they have absolutely no concept of the date, so how can they sign and date the forms? I tell you how. They can’t, that’s how.”
When asked for their comments, the cavemen uttered a series of grunts and other unintelligible phrases, which Mood told TTLA roughly translates to “Nice loincloth.”
“I think they like your slacks,” Mood said. “They are smart.”
But what about all those commercials featuring cavemen showing their disdain for the Geico advertising campaign? Mood’s study reveals these may have actually been actors, made up to look like cavemen, but were not actual cavemen. “We feel this made the commercials misleading at best, and perhaps out-rightly fraudulent.”
“Our findings in this area are based on such facts as these:
- Cavemen rarely carry luggage
- Cavemen do not have a good grasp of the English language, especially to the point of using idioms
- Cavemen have never been observed to use smartphones in the wild
- Cavemen are just damn stupid, that all there is to it!”
When asked for a comment, Samuel Horse’sass, president of the multi-billion dollar insurance company, said “We never actually indicate in the commercials what it was that was actually so easy a caveman could do it. We may have been referring to making fire, or painting exquisite cave decorations. We might not have meant they had anything to do with our insurances. It could have all been a great misunderstanding.” He then waved his hand and said, “These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.”
Reporters left confused and disoriented, but were quite convinced that the droids they were looking for were elsewhere.
“You see,” said Dr. Mood. “making fire is not easy for a caveman who has no idea of how to use one of those long nosed campfire lighter thingies. He’ll have to bang rocks together and hope he gets lucky. That Horse’sass even worked his damn Jedi mind tricks on you! Do you believe their crap about the cavemen now?” The reporters shook their heads but said, “We have to find the droids.”
In a related story, Geckos may not actually be able to speak.