After a train crashed and burst into flames officials in Virginia had to mobilize to curtail a rush of locals who gathered to use the flames to bar-b-q their dinner. Several gophers, muskrats and weasels were confiscated as toothless denizens ran toward the burning train.
“We’ve learned to expect this sort of thing,” said Bruce Bentricle, Commissioner of Illegal Cooking at Sites of Public Disaster. “People around here just love their barbecue. It’s very hard to keep them away from an open flame of any kind. When asked if this sort of thing had happened often, Bentricle replied, “Why do you think we have a Commissioner of Illegal Cooking at Sites of Public Disaster? This sort of thing happens all the time. Not only the barbecue, but the train wrecks as well. We think the engineers are in cahoots with the gopher cookers.”
Also on the scene was Director for the Institute for the Study of Intentional Train Wrecks, Myron Pockmyer, who said, “Virginia is just a magnet for this sort of thing. You can’t even get a train from point a to point b without someone derailing it in hopes of causing a fire so a bunch of inbred so and so’s can cook their road kill over it.”