After years of speculation it has finally been revealed how the ancient Egyptians moved the massive stones that were used to construct the pyramids. Daniel Bonn, a physics professor at the University of Amsterdam, released a report which conclusively proves that the stones were moved using Ford F-150’s. “There has been a lot of speculation that the Egyptians used Chevy Silverados or Toyota Tundras, but our research shows that it had to be the popular F-150.”
This contradicts other research which stated that the workers pulled weighty objects on a giant sled over desert sand, and discovered that dampening the sand in front of the primitive device reduces friction on the sled, making it easier to operate, and that UFO’s used levitation rays to help the ancients build the famous structures.
“Only Ford had the horsepower and rugged construction needed to move the mighty stones,” said Bonn. When asked how the Egyptians used trucks thousands of years prior to the invention of the internal combustion engine, Bonn replied, “Sticks and stones. Don’t be a buzz kill. This is solid research.”
Other experts disagree with Bonn. Circus performer Mile Van der Veek puts forth the theory that trampolines were used. “They just had to pick the stone up one time and throw it on the first trampoline, from whence it bounced on continually bigger trampolines until it reached the desired location.” When asked what business a circus performer had posting theories on archaeological issues, Van der Veek replied, “Just as much as a physics professor does to talk about pickup trucks being used.”
The debate eventually devolved into a fist fight with Bonn scoring an upset victory, settling the questions once and for all. “By the power of my mighty right hand, it was the F-150 and no other,” he shouted.