Breaking: NASA says that once again next year for the SECOND time in 666 years, Halloween will be on Friday the 13th. The last time this happened, (537 years ago…I think, or was it 666? Seems I heard something somewhere about 666…anyway…) lots of bad stuff went down and my neighbor’s house was egged ridiculously and…werewolves, maybe??
In related news: A joint NASA/Costco study has shown that this year, for the first time in Six hundred sixty SEVEN years (HA! You thought I was going to say 666 again, didn’t you? HEY! This is science, bud. And great savings on your everyday needs by purchasing in bulk…anyway…) Thanksgiving will also fall on Friday the 13th.
And today we mourn the passing of Yvonne De Carlo, TV’s beloved Lilly Munster. Yvonne’s actually been dead since 2007, but people all suddenly feel bad because maybe she just…I don’t know…died or something?? Anyway here’s a picture of her in a sexy outfit.
In related news: Rest In Peace, Willie Nelson. Willie’s actually still alive but again, maybe something happened…like he’s, I don’t know…dead?? Like Lilly Munster?? Anyway, leave lots of condolences in the comment’s section, so people can see how incredibly stupid you are.
Finally: Kim Davis, Black Lives Matter…No All Lives Matter…That’s Racist…YOU’RE Racist!!, Donald Trump, Ben Carson, No, Hillary!!, and…I don’t know…they gays? Maybe?
[Dedicated to Stupid People Everywhere]