The Hard Questions: we ask them so that you don’t have to. Technically you don’t have to anyway, but… Oh, man. One sentence into this post and you’re already giving me a hard time. I can see how this is going to go. But no worries. I shall plod on.
In this post I’m going to pose some serious questions [not], the type that call for serious answers [don’t]. Of course, TTLA is not some fruity-do philosophical journal, which poses questions only to let them flutter off into the air with no intention of ever settling them. Nay, I say! And no, even. We will give you the responses to the questions that have [haven’t] been burning in your soul for so very long. So without further ado, let’s begin.
Q: Did you ever notice that you never see Michael Myers of Halloween fame and Mike Myers of Austin Powers/Shrek/Wayne’s World fame in the same place?
A: No. You have never seen them together, for they are one in the same person.
Q: Renfield is to flies as I am to…
A: …Sammiches. (Go watch the movie!)
Q: Where do babies come from?
A: When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much, and decide they want to share their lives with a little child of their very own, they go online to Babys’R’Us and order one. You can tell how good they’re going to be as parents by whether or not they opt for one-day shipping.
Q: Who is going to win the Superbowl this year?
A: The answer to this depends upon who you ask and which way your politics lean. It will either be the kneelers or the non-kneelers. From what I can gather, it actually has very little to do with who plays football better anymore.
Q: So, which is it? Global warming or no global warming?
A: Again, don’t be sucked in by the science that appears to prove one point or the other. (Ed. note: only one point of view actually has any science backing it up.) (Conservative Ed note: Shut up, you liberal whack-job!) The answer to the question ultimately comes down to which side is better funded. And in general the “Everything is just fine, nothing to see here” people have the deeper pockets.
Q: Why would someone do this to a pefectly lovely display of Christmas socks?
A: Because there are still good people in the world. Take heart!
There now. Don’t you fill a little less lost? Slightly less confused about this crazy, mixed-up world? What’s that? You’re more confused than when you started?
I could tell you were going to be a problem.