This Is Not Funny

So I’ve been thinking.

The Universe is big. Mind-bogglingly big. So big that it is really not possible to fully comprehend it. Unless maybe you’re Steven Hawking, and I’d be willing to bet even he realizes that the Universe is just ridiculously, obscenely big.

OK. So in all of that immensity there are lots of stars. Channeling Carl Sagan, I would go so far as to say there are billions and billions of them. And that’s oversimplifying it to an embarrassing degree. I’m not friends with any astronomers, so I don’t suppose anyone will hold me to task for that. But I digress.

Around those stars orbit planets. So many planets that I would be hard pressed to even make up a number to represent them. Maybe a trazazingajillion. Maybe more.  Maybe two trazazingajillion. And every day we’re learning more and more about many of them.

Every human being, alive or dead in July of 1969 is in this picture, save one - the photographer Michael Collins.
Every human being, alive or dead in July of 1969 is in this picture, save one – the photographer Michael Collins.

But for all that, there is only one (on which we can can say with certainty), that there is a precious, fragile gem. That gem is called life, and that planet is called Earth.

We live on paradise. Only Earth, as far as the best and brightest minds can say without doubt, harbors life. Cauliflower, amoebas, dogs, porcupines, stinkweed, naked mole-rats…and people. These things grow on the surface of this rare and tender place.

And of all these things, I can’t help but believe, it is the people that this vast Universe is most disappointed with. So much potential. So much actually achieved. So much more to do.

But forever, as far back as we can know, and as recently is this moment, we have invested unfathomable amounts of our existence … in butchering one another. We are simply incapable of living with one another without reaching out and killing each other.

And why? Because your skin looks different than mine. Because we believe in a different God. Or because I believe in God and you do not. Or because there is oil beneath your dirt and I want it. Or because today I decided that someone needed to die.

I know that there are many good people on our little blue ball. And these good people come from everywhere, look different from one another, and believe different things. But they see one another and think, “That person is just as worthy of his place here as I am, and I should accept him for what he is. My brother. My planetary cohabitant. Another version of me.”

We are all made of the same stuff: the remnants of long dead stars forged into living things. Think about that for a moment. The next person you see was once a brilliant, shining star, just as you were. Just as you both still are.

So how about we stop destroying our greatest resource – one another. Wake up. Be worthy of the gift the Universe has given you. Just stop.

Sarah Palin Not Standing on her Laurels. Keeps Sounding Idiotic

Sarah Palin pointing to the emptiest vessel in the arena.
Sarah Palin pointing to the emptiest vessel in the arena.

Former GOP Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin addressed the NRA (National Retard Association) this weekend claiming that creating gun-free zones is “Stupid on steroids.” The suggestion that schools and other public buildings should be gun free did not appeal to the woman who once said she could see Russia from her house. “How are we to have anything to watch on the news if we do not have school shootings?”

“In Alaska we like our children armed and dangerous. How else will they learn that the more guns you have the better you are? And not that we have that many Jews in Alaska, but how can someone shoot up a Jewish community center if said center was a ‘Gun-Free Zone.'” Palin made goo-goo eyes and spun her finger at her head as she delivered her speech.

The crowd responded enthusiastically shouting, “You tell ’em, Inspector Grandelfini.” Apparently they did not know who was addressing them.

“If more Mama Grizzlies carried guns we’d be really fucked,” said Palin. “They’re dangerous enough already. But I do not deny their rights to pack heat. A cop is too heavy to carry, so let’s reduce him down to just his gun and carry that. Let’s forget that a cop is a trained individual who knows when not to use his gun just as much as he does when to use it. He’s just a gun.”

When asked what they thought of Palin’s comments, delegates at the convention said, “She summed up what everyone would have been thinking if any of us could in fact think. Guns are the most important thing in the world, more important than people, and Grandmaster Choolingus put it just so.”

Sarah Palin proved once again that she is among the stupidest people on the planet, and did so in spectacular fashion, leaving the NRA crowd drooling for more.