SAT, MAR 11
Doctors across the country are calling for a re-think of current government policies, in terms of allowing medical research on medical cannabis, as elderly patients see dramatic results to treat pain.
Recently NBC News visited a “senior living facility” (i.e. reefer flop house), where correspondent Harry Smith interviewed 95-year-old Edith “Burner” Hepwilder. Below is an excerpt from the interview, which presents the unedited conversation, as opposed to what was shown on television:
Harry Smith: Do you feel any benefits from the medical marijuana?
Edith Hepwilder: It’s reduced my pain, and I’m more relaxed.
HS: I see, that’s very good. Have you noticed anything else?
EH: Yes. I’m hungry all the damn time. If there is a box of Bugles in the room, I need it in me. Immediately. Pizza too. Slab after greasy slab. You don’t have any on you, do ya?
HS: Um. No, but I could order some.
EH: Hell yeah. [Turns to orderly] Tyrone, lend a bitch your cell phone. [Hands phone to Harry]. Pies Guys is the best. Call them. Get the Deluxe. It will change your life.
[Harry gets on the phone, orders a pie, and returns the phone to orderly].
EH: We should blaze up before it gets here. [Reaches into knit bag hanging from her wheelchair and extracts a bong shaped like a snarling dragon]. This is Nidhogg. Don’t worry he doesn’t bite. [Lights bong, takes long, long hit, then passes it to Harry].
HS: Has anything else changed for you since you’ve begun your treatment?
EH: I listen to the Dead a lot more.
HS: The Grateful Dead?
EH: Day. And. Night. Every damn day. [Turns to orderly] Tyrone! My tunes! [Orderly points remote at the stereo. “Mars Hotel” begins playing.]
HS: Have you noticed any side effects at all?
EH: Not really, except I can smell colors now. Does that count?
HS: It might. I’m not a doctor.
EH: [Singing] I’m Uncle Sam, that’s who I am, been hiding out in a rock and roll band.
HS: Mrs. Hepwilder…
EH: Call me “Burner.” Everyone does. [Points to bong]. You gonna hit that? Otherwise, pass it back, Bogart.
HS: Burner, how do you feel about the federal restrictions on the use of marijuana.
EH: Fuck the man! Goddamn Nixon!
HS: Um, Mrs. Hep… Burner, Nixon’s been dead since 1994.
EH: Good! Goddamn narc punk bitch! He’d still be alive if he’d been hittin’ this! [Lights bong, takes even longer hit than the first time].
HS: So is it fair to say you favor less regulation?
EH: [Hear’s knock at the door] I favor some slabs! Tyrone! Pizza’s here!
HS: This is Harry Smith, reporting from Burner Hepwilder’s room.