In an effort to promote a volcano whose name could be almost be
pronounced, Icelandic scientists announced that Grisvotn, called Iceland’s most active volcano, has erupted. The eruption was timed to coincide with the announced date of Judgement Day, May 21, 2011, “just in case,” according to authorities.
Although not as massive as last year’s eruption of the tongue-rupturing Eyjafjallajokull volcano, air traffic is being rerouted to reduce the temptation to radical terrorists who, as we know, just love to fly into shit. “The plume of smoke has reached jet flying altitude and plans have been made for planes flying through Icelandic air control space to fly southwardly tonight,” said Hjordis Gudmundsdottir, the spokeswoman for Isavia, the company that operates and develops all airport facilities and air navigation services in Iceland. She said that she expected the southward detour might cause a “temporary rise in the population of Antarctica,” then challenged reporters to say her name three times real fast.
When asked what would happen if the Rapture did not occur, Gudmundsdottir said, “Well, we like to blow these babies out regularly anyway. Otherwise all Iceland has to be known for is Bjork, and that, frankly, is just embarrassing.”
Other nations staged natural disasters to cover their bases in case of final judgment, including New Zealand, who put up some decent earthquake numbers, coming in at a 6.1 on the Richter scale, while the U.S. managed only a 3.6 in San Francisco.
In a related story, reports of a “partial” rapture in England are being investigated. Smithworth Dewcrest, Britain’s Minister for End of Days, said that Martha Toothrottington of Manchester, was praying fervently in her front yard when all parts except her skeleton and kneeling pad vanished into the air.
Dewcrest said the Ministry for End of Days was “very disappointed with the effort,” feeling that Mrs. Toothrottington “just didn’t put her all into it.” He was, however, “bloody well pleased that an Englishwoman at least got part of the way there. Certainly no one in America did even this well.”
And finally, Harold Camping, who is now considered a frontrunner for the prestigious “Crackpot of the Year” Award, released a statement saying that he was “checking his math,” and that he would “likely use a calculator” for his next end of the world prediction.
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